Church AU
by immelliot
Summary: Maya Hart walks into church wearing the tightest, shortest dress Lucas has seen in his miserable short stupid life. She sits right next to him. He's going to hell for sure.


It was Easter. A lovely vibrant colored day full of kids running around looking for plastic eggs, elderly couples nearly collapsing trying to walk and enjoy their last possible days on Earth. Lucas and his parents go to church every Sunday. His parents are what you'd call rigid Catholics, eat, read, and sleep the bible, making his life very… conservative. The young man was expected to be some perfect miracle child, without a single screw up in his life.

When Lucas was two years old, his parents gave him the adult bible and told him to live by it. Young Lucas picked it up, walked over to the window on the second floor of their house, and dropped it. He believed in cold hard facts rather than fairytale stories written by a bunch of doped out young men. Science made sense because theories were proven rather than being a false hopeful guess. For example, the afterlife idea makes Lucas roll his eyes. To him, Heaven was just an idea to keep people sane. In Sunday school, Lucas kept his earbuds in. Instead, wanting to listen to death metal than bullshit his parents forced upon him. It's not that he is some kind of rebel child. He is a straight A student with a 4.278 GPA, an enthusiastic learner of biochemistry and physics, and an active football player. He also can secretly read old Latin which he taught himself of course. The only thing his parents disapprove of is the lack of belief in God, but other than that Lucas really is a miracle child. He could swear his parents loved Jesus more than him though. Although it was undeniably true, Lucas still tried to live life in his parent's image even if it's not what he wanted.

Walking into the Holy Bible Lord Jesus God Church (yes, Lucas thought the person who named the church had to have smoked too much weed that day), Lucas smiled politely at the woman greeting him. She smiles that same overly sweet and fake smile every time she see's him. It's annoyingly synthetic.

"Good morning my favorite Applewood farm family! Nice seeing you again this Easter!" the overly joyful pamphlet-hander-outer squealed. Her white cotton shirt looked very thick and her make-up looked like it was melting off. Poor, poor old woman, but she smiled anyway. Her golden cross around her neck glared in the sun.

"Oh my Lucas, you're turning into the most handsome young man I've seen in my entire life! Do you have someone special? Other than the Lord of course, because if not I know a bunch of sweet young ladies in this church who'd love to meet you darling!" The woman just kept rambling about how the Lord blessed him with amazing sea-foam eyes and a charming personality.

"Well, no ma'am I haven't had the opportunity of meeting the right girl yet." Lucas side glanced at his parents who looked at his expectantly. "But of course I-er, I'd love to make some new friends!"

Lucas didn't want to refuse the offer because his parents would complain about him being a rude shithead later on.

"Good! Here I'll sit y'all sweet family by Anabelle's and Suzie's!" Old Easter lady's smile somehow enlarged. Lucas almost felt bad for her because it looked painful how stretched her entire face had become. So many wrinkles.

"That would be very generous of you Ms. Paddledick." Lucas's mother spoke up and his father nodded in agreement, both had kind smiles on their faces. Lucas froze. All he heard was dick. Her last name had dick in it. Lucas snickered inside the Lord's house. If there were a hell that'd definitely be where he'd be going because he just laughed at an elder and the word dick... in church. Jesus. Lucas also sort of felt bad because the old woman seemed to know him kind of well and Lucas had no idea who the fuck she was.

Ms. Paddledick snaked the Friar family through the pews and sat them between two large groups of families. Lucas already wanted to get the fake nice church conversation out of the way.

"Hello everyone! This is the Friar family, Johnny and Alexandra, and their handsome son Lucas!" The Paddledick woman spoke loudly. The two families waved kindly at the Friars as they introduced themselves. Lucas looked at the families who looked like they were close friends and noticed two teenage girls wearing the longest puffiest dresses he's ever seen in his entire life. In church. Incredible.

"This is the Archibald family on the right, and on the left the Spew family. Now converse! God wants us to make new friends...and possible marriage arrangements!" With that, Ms. Paddledick huffed out an annoying laugh and hurried back to her duties as pamphlet handler. Lucas sighed. Lucas's mother nudged him very hard, her elbow right into his man nipple. Ouch.

"What are y'all's names?" Lucas's mother asked like an angel, her Texan accent seeping through.

"I'm Sally, this is my sister Erica, her husband Andrew, and their nephew Sophia." The Archibald's spoke up.

"Nice to meet you." Lucas's dad also had a country drag to his deep scratchy voice. He turned to the Spew family. "And the rest of you?"

"I'm Carl, this is Carol, and this is Carly our daughter. Sophia and Carly are best friends." The Spew's replied with kind eyes.

Soon enough, all three families engaged in conversation and slowly Lucas began to drift off in his own mind. He hated a lot of his parents friends, they were all very opinionated and he bet that these two new families were too. He wished he and Farkle were working on their importance of condoms presentation so they could make a ton of dick jokes. He also wished he could go skateboarding with Maya or play video games or write an essay on why he's an atheist. Anything but the boring moment he's in right now. Lucas felt like drowning in his own thoughts. He started bargaining whether or not he should start learning an ancient language through Rosetta stone using his iPhone. Just as he began to ponder ideas, the church musicians began to play and the priest ft. minions began walking down the aisle to the alter. Looking to the side, he boringly watched the priest pass him. The priest turned his head to the side and smiled darkly at Lucas, as if he knew every thought going through the young man's mind. Now that is why Lucas hates going to church, some of the people just scare the shit out of him. It's like they think he's the fucking antichrist.

"Everyone, please join in praise as we sing in joy to our Lord and Savior," the priest spoke loudly, his voice ringing in Lucas's ear. That was the queue for everyone to stand up, according to everyone else in the church. Lucas of course was not paying attention and his mother had to drag him by the ear so that he would stand up straight.

"Ow!" Lucas yelped, jumping away from his mother slightly as he rubbed his ear. A few strangers turned to look at him with curious eyes. His mother gave him a threatening look so he tried to give his most attentive look towards the priest hopefully getting her off his goddamn case.

As Lucas stood there, he noticed everyone was singing an old Latin song. Yep, time to tune out again as usual. But then he remembered his mother's evil glare and began sputtering out random quiet words so that it looked like he was singing. It seemed to work because an elderly woman smiled sweetly at him, nudged her husband and nodded to Lucas. The husband rolled his eyes, probably noticing Lucas was muttering nothing close to the words. The old woman probably had dementia. Not probably, definitely. How sad.

Suddenly, a loud creak was heard and all the beady eyes of the church people were on the two people entering the church. A man wearing a nice suit, his black hair spiked, holding his arm out for a blonde woman who looked around his mother's age. He couldn't see her face because she was wearing sunglasses but dang she looked pretty for forty. Most people turned back to face the priest, but Lucas kept his eyes on them because he could swear they looked familiar. The couple turned around and seemed to be waiting for someone.

When she arrived, oh god, she did. Maya fucking Hart, wearing the hottest, tightest, shortest, red dress he'd ever seen in his life. It was sheer between her breasts and her waist, it showed off her curves and beautiful legs. Good god, one of his best friends was giving him a raging boner is church. First of all, what is Maya Hart doing in church? Second of all, why is she all dressed up, fucking with him like that? Is she trying to kill him? Lucas already assumed why the girl was in church, her mother was probably the blonde lady wearing glasses and that man was probably her mother's boyfriend. Maya and her mother would never go to church. Unless Maya's mother's boyfriend was Catholic. That would make sense. Oh, and of course Maya would wear her most provocative dress to piss off her mother. Lucas could already see the smug look on Maya's face.

After walking down the aisle trying to find a pew, the Hart family plus one looked for a place to sit. Maya tilted her head to the side. Was that Huckleberry, sitting there in the midst of his parents and a suit? Well I'll be darned, Maya thought as she smirked evilly, motioning her family to follow her because she definitely found a seat alright. Maya and Lucas always flirted with each other, but only because they were teasing and friends. Or well, they tried to believe that. Sometimes, like today. The teasing would go too far, and oh fuck, both would have their hearts racing in anticipation and breathlessness.

Maya noticed Huckleberry kept eye contact with her the whole time as she smirked her way into his pew.

"Hey there cowboy," Maya spoke lowly as she leaned in behind his ear, "fancy meeting you here."

Lucas shivered, her hot breath on his neck made his hair stand up. What is she doing to him? Lucas quickly put a bible in his lap, hoping to cover the obvious, er, attraction.

"You too city girl." Maya told Lucas to move down so that her mom and boyfriend could fit but his mind was a blur. What does this mean? Could this ruin their whole friendship? The tent is his pants said no of course not! But his mind said yes. Dear god, as everyone moved down the pew to make room Maya nearly sat on top of him. Does she even know what she's doing to him?

Lucas and Maya had always been close friends. Ever since he came in middle school, Maya had playfully teased him until he teased back and then they just were. Friends. He came over a few times a week since they live by each other and play video games, do homework, or watch movies. Normal teen stuff. Maya would casually beat him up and wear only a bra and underwear while doing it, if that is considered normal teen stuff.

Maya nudged him with her elbow, making him snap out of his intense train of thought.

"You okay huckleberry?" Her curly dirty blonde hair looked pretty all frizzy and wild, Lucas thought and he just stared at her. Her eyes too, they were outlined in a charcoal black making her blue eyes intense and piercing. Her lips, good god, her lips were cherry red and plump and he just wanted to bite them. Ok that sounded way too cannibalistic. Goddamn it! Maya Hart is turning him into a cannibal.

"You seem all gussied up." Maya playfully said in a Southern accent, her eyes sparkling in good humor. She always has to make fun of him previously living in Texas. She looked up a southern slang dictionary on google and pretty much learned all the words. How the hell does that girl fail vocab tests when she can learn a whole new way to pronunciate in less than a day?

Maya always knew Lucas was attractive, the pretty boy in school. The pretty boys always moved from some weird southern state, came to their school, and then left. But, Lucas, the pretty boy who wanted to stay did the opposite of the others. His parents told him that his dad got a wonderful job offer back in Texas but Lucas refused. He never told Maya why except for: "If I ever leave you, goddamn Maya Hart, I would die." Maya knew he meant it in a friend way of course but her heart jumped straight out of her chest when he said that. He climbed up the side of her house, opened her window, and confessed his love of New York City. Stupid Lucas playing with her loose, torn, almost non-existent heart strings.

"Is that a compliment, ma'am?" Lucas gave Maya the stupidest most annoyingly attractive smirk Maya's probably seen on this dumb overpopulated planet. The boy looked too good in his collared shirt and tan skin but she knew the real Lucas, he was being so fake right now. He hates going to church, as every Monday at her house he complains and complains and complains about it.

"In your dreams, Lucas." The way his name rolled off her tongue made Lucas really wish they weren't in church right now because he really wanted to push her against the wall. He loved the way she said his name. Like really, really loved. Sweet jesus, when did all these urges start? His pants were tight as hell and he really didn't want to have to get up and receive communion with a boner. He really wanted to relieve himself of his predicament because it was actually starting to get painful. But it wouldn't go away with Maya Hart sitting directly next to him in that tiny cursed red dress.

"Definitely has been one of my dreams," Lucas mumbled to himself. He snapped his head to look at her in realization of what he said. Shit. Maya raised an eyebrow, sliding a little closer to him on the pew.

"You've dreamt of me Lucas? What kinds of dreams, huh Lucas?" She said Lucas just the way he likes it too. He felt like a deer caught in a headlight. There was no way to answer truthfully without fucking their friendship up. She gave him a knowing smirk as if she knows he wants to slam her against the altar, as if she knows he is having some lower trouble because she's wearing that dress.

"Uh, uh," Lucas looked around quickly trying to think of a reasonable answer,"I have dreams where you...compliment me." Lucas pulled his collar out a little bit and unbuttoned the first button out of nervous habit. He felt so fucking idiotic right now.

"You sure that's what you dream about cowboy? For some reason I don't believe you." Lucas worried that the people in pews behind them were noticing their closeness which would be awkward for everyone. No one seemed to be paying attention to the two of them though. Well, no one noticed Maya practically on top of him. What does Maya think he dreams about? Does she know just by looking in his eyes? They've been friends for years and Lucas is a damn terrible liar.

Their closeness felt so intimate and Maya smelled so freaking good, like a vanilla candle in a boutique his mom took him to one time. He always knew there was a reason he liked that store. It felt like home and home is where the heart is. Or in this case, Hart.

"Maya, I would tell you what I dream about but, we're in church right now and, well, I don't want to be eternally condemned into hell." Or eternally fucked by the long dick of southern morals. Hah. The young man whispered lowly. Maya took the hint and her eyes widened slightly before a smirk fell onto her face.

"I thought you don't believe in God Lucas. Neither do I." Maya slid her hand onto his knee. Lucas's breath caught in his throat. Why is she playing this game? His dick would surely explode in his pants and that would make one hell of a news story. People would never forget about it. "Young man cums in the name of the Lord." Lucas felt so funny and clever in that moment but then realized he's, well, he's a total dumbass. Maya's actually flirting with him right now. Never would believe it would ever happen, but here they are both wanting to jump each other during a church service.

His dick started becoming uncomfortably hard and Maya being all suggestive and shit didn't help one bit. It all felt so new. When did the attraction start? Would they start making out when hanging out instead? Or go back to normal? So many questions he wanted to ask.

"I have one question okay. What the fuck is going on between us right now?" Lucas didn't want to ruin his friendship with probably his favorite person in the world.

Maya pondered for a few moments. What is going on between her and the cowboy? She's always been attracted to him but stopped herself because they'd been friends and she didn't want to ruin that. Honestly, that's just been an excuse. She worried because...she really didn't know. Maya always hoped something would happen between them in the back of her head. Apparently Lucas felt the same way too because the attraction was, er, obviously obvious and uh, big too.

"I guess, I've always wanted us to happen, but-" Maya started but was cut off.

"Riley always got in the way." Lucas finished. Maya thought about it. Riley hadn't really been the reason she never went for Lucas. Riley and Lucas ended in sixth grade and Riley would've been totally fine with her and Lucas going out. Maya's just always been by herself. She's never had someone get her like Lucas does and the idea always seemed strange to her. To let someone know her intimately and emotionally. Maya's always been terrible with feelings and love. She cares but in a distant way, sharing her feelings has always stabbed her in the back in the past. Her father left her, her mother almost did, and her life hasn't been all that loving and first class unlike Lucas, who has all of that. Maybe she doesn't know how to love.

"No Lucas, Riley got over you in two weeks. I just don't know how to be with someone in that way. Romantically I guess." Maya sighed, her lips looked pouty but her eyes still bright and hopeful.

"Honestly Maya, I don't know how to be a boyfriend either. But I know what we have is special. We don't have to be anything, but I know that we can slowly ease into it if you'd like that. Because I like you, and I'd like you right on that altar so I could worship you." Lucas put his hand on Maya's thigh and the girl hitched her breath.

Maybe home really is where the heart is. Where the Hart belongs.


End file.
